Ten Things Western Civilization has done right.
An absolutely pointless editorial by Blake Cooper

    Okay, so lately there's a lot of talk about the Muslim beliefs re: western civilization, aka "The Great Satan." And yes, i'll admit we have a lot of problems: war and violence, greed, must-see TV, but just for once i'd like to focus on the "great" a little more and the "satan" a little less. So here's ten things i think western society has done right.

1) Somewhere, in some small town in America, someone has made a conscious decision to get a mullet. Year after year people actually walk into barber shops and ASK for a mullet. This is amazing, that these people have such courage. If it weren't for them, the mullet would go extinct, kind of like the dodo bird. Cheers to you, rage on!

2) Handing out those 'free trial' AOL discs. They make great Frisbees.

3) Shopping malls. Convenient. Easy. Fun. They just keep getting bigger. Have you ever been to Eaton Centre? It's like a damn civilization in there.

4) Valet Parking. Because what am I gonna to do, park my own car?

5) Cup Holders. You'd be surprised how horrible life would be if you had to hold your own cup every time you got into a vehicle.

6) 'Pure exploitation' films. From the makers of 'Black to the Future'... these movies rule. We're talking 'I'ma git you sucka,' 'cornbread, earl, and me,' and....okay, i'll be honest, i don't know any other superfly-esque films, but you get the idea.

7) Electricity/Plumbing/Vaccination/Housing. What do you want, a freakin' medal?!

8) Movies. Yes, a lot of them suck, but the handful of REALLY good ones make up for the millions of shitty ones.

9) Did I mention cup holders? Seriously...NO holding cups...EVER....it's great.

10) 'Stairway to Heaven.' Need I say more?