Buy More Stuff!
...a guide to graduation by Blake Cooper

So we had an info center today, which is basically an hour in the morning where we learn about fundraisers/class trips/other stupid school functions, and this time was no exception. Seniors had in store a presentation from Jostens, a company that makes and sells school type things. if you're confused, don't worry, you'll get caught up.

Anyway, he gave us a presentation about buying things for graduation. But before he began talking, he started off by showing us a movie that promised, "get ready for the shortest two minutes of your life!" But the result was anything but, as we sat through a two-minute hell filled with seizure inducing graphics and really really badly done high school stereotypes. Between Japan-style freak-outs with the words 'destination graduation' flashing in red, 'high school' kids (and NOT paid actors) talked about their high school experience. One kid, formulaically designed to be a typical Spicholi-esque 'stoner' with blond hair and a spaced-out look, gladly proclaimed two things: (1) he enjoyed 'chillin' with his cru', and (2) his only request for his graduation was 'a big bowl of skittles at every table.' How much did those skittles cost I wonder? here's a hint: not $75.75

After the video, naturally, he tried to sell us stuff. He steered away as much as possible from the fact that you could just buy the cap and gown for around $18, and mostly tried to get us to buy this:

box o' crap!

This hideous looking box cost at the very least $75.75, and can soar into the $120 range. At first, he made it very unclear as to whether or not we could actually just buy the gown without the crap (which i found out we could after some investigation). This pandora's box of crap includes:

* announcements - the salesman himself said these are NOT invitations. So what are they? 'You send them to people and they send money back.' So basically it is solicited bragging. 

* thank you notes - this is assuming you get graduation presents. way to make underprivileged kids feel bad because their friends/family can't afford to buy them gifts for doing something everyone who wants a future is required to do anyway.

* memory book - this does nothing a shoe box can't do.

* key rings - this is lame. end of discussion.

* '04 'DORM PANTS!!!!' - hmmm, let's see. How can we make people buy pants just by writing '04' on the ass? Oh right, we can call them 'dorm pants,' so all the freedom-starved high school students who will buy anything associated with college will buy them. Brilliant!

* assorted jewelry/coffee mugs/crap - this stuff is just assorted crap they use to hike up the price of the package that no one wants. it's probably very poorly done anyway.

what gets me really mad is the general assumption that, because we are young, we will just buy any stupid piece of crap you throw at us. it's sad because, for the most part, it's true. get some sense people!