snappy answers to stupid questions
by BLAKE COOPER

While in Economy class today we went over some stupid rhetorical questions. You know, the kind of questions that are supposed to pose philosophical questions but just end up being stupid. Just for the sake of boredom I have decide to provide accurate and permanent answers to these questions, just to ensure that they never get asked again.

1) If a tree falls in the woods, and there's nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound?

The philosophy: This question poses the greater question, "do things exist if they are not taken advantage of?" 

The answer: NO

Sound., N:
a) Vibrations transmitted through an elastic solid or a liquid or gas, with frequencies in the approximate range of 20 to 20,000 hertz, capable of being detected by human organs of hearing.

...if there's nobody there to hear it, the sound is not capable of being detected. End of discussion.

2) Could God make a rock so heavy that He Himself could not  move it?

The Philosophy: First off, let me just say I hate capitalizing words in the middle of sentences. Anyway,  this question is what so-called 'progressive' people pose to overly religious people to make them question their faith and lifelong devotions for no reason but their own personal satisfaction at how smart they are.

The answer: YES

Supposedly God can do anything. Including make a rock so heavy that he couldn't move it. But then he would move it. Then he would silence all those that doubted him (that means YOU, you self-enlightened bastard!) NOTE: i am not really very religious, but i hate people who try to push their beliefs on others, which means 9 times out of 10 the people who ask this question.

...more to come...

Vibrations transmitted through an elastic solid or a liquid or gas, with frequencies in the approximate range of 20 to 20,000 hertz, capable of being detected by human organs of hearing.