in case anybody cares...
my toronto weekend

by BLAKE COOPER

so this weekend i went to sunny Toronto, Ontario Canada to check out the school i will most likely be attending, the harris institute for the arts. the two days i spent were chaotic, curious, and delicious. here's a recap:

friday -- 12:00 pm: arrive, look for landmarks: the school (the purpose of our trip), the toronto star (for my mom to freelance stuff), and the westin harbour (yes, harbOUr, where we were staying). we ate at tim horton's, which was everywhere like starbucks is here.

1:30 pm: after admiring the fact that center is spelled 'centre' in canada, we headed to the school. although i was warned right off the bat that is technically not an academic 'college' in the sense of classes required for a good old fashioned american education, it did have all of the following: (1) an audio library containing hundreds of records/tapes/cds for reference, (2) classrooms with mixing boards in them, and (3) a recording studio (of which i drew a shitty map. it can be seen herre). it's a great place and hopefully i will be able to attend (another benefit, it only cost $12,000 to attend (9,00 US)). so screw having a college edumacation, i'm going to music school biotches!

even canada has wiggers: a rap cd produced at harris. for canadian rap music, it's surprisingly gangsta, proving once and for all that canad-iz-a is really all aboot mad bitches.

3:30 pm: check into the hotel. spend the rest of the day chillin hXc in the room, also using the 'health club/spa.' which actually kicked ass. i've never felt better (and more pimplike) than when i was in the hot tub. but sadly, it was time for another staple of torontonian lifestyle...

6:00 pm: go to captain john's seafood restaurant, which is an actual boat sitting in the harbour. we ate food and chatted with the waiter, who was extremely oriental (i wanted to hear him sing 'love in an elevator' kareoke style, he had a great accent).

9:30 pm: ordered 'lost in translation' on pay-per-view. very appropriate move about someone in a foreign land being confused (although i take it canada is not as nearly confusing as japan).

saturday:
8:00 am: i actually though for a brief moment i wanted to get up and go staimaster to wake up. biggest mistake of my life. my calfs (sp?) are still sore. damn!

12:00 pm: shopping in various record stores. i bought the smith's 'singles' collection (yes, i realize this is the second smiths cd i bought from toronto in a week, but give me a break)

...and then we went home and i died.

well, to not be completely narcosistic, i think instead of just writing about my extremely exciting life i will actually write something entertaining. here is a list of funny things i've noticed about canada/it's inhabitants:

1) not only do they spell it 'centre,' but everything is a centre. the fitness centre, the banking centre, eaton centre, etc.
2) as advertised in bowling for columbine, canadian news is very laid back. for about an hour i watched as some political scandal was unfolding, but they stopped talking about it because, according to them, 'it's a waste of time.' the folks at CNN would NEVER consider a political scandal a waste of time. brilliant!
3) there was a sign that said, 'shoppes of the world, trade centre,' but it was written so the words, 'world trade centre' was on one line. we didn't go in that tower.
4) "the funny thing about canada is that we sometimes confuse democracy for socialism" ~Lance the harris institute guy.
5) seriously, i thought it was a myth, but they really do pronounce it 'a-boot.' they also pronounce other things funny. like everything.

well, that's about it. i hope you find this update satisfying until twelve years from now when i update again.

-blake